14 weeks

Another week has gone by already.  I find that I'm catching myself in moments of apprehension, fear, and anxiety with thoughts that something bad is sure to happen.  While I acknowledge these feelings, I am trying not to feed them energy and focus on the positive things that are going on (and truthfully, there are a lot of them).  I am never certain of what the future holds, and for that I am thankful because it forces me to be present and grateful for each moment I have.  It has taken me a long time to even let thoughts of having a "real baby" creep into my conscious.  I think out of protection to my heart I avoided it for my whole first trimester.  But now I am trying to embrace these thoughts (and the millions of decisions that seem to come with them) when I feel ready and roll with it knowing that I can't jinx my pregnancy by deciding to go the cloth diapering route versus the disposable route.


Week: 14

Baby is the size of: a lemon

your baby at 14 weeks

• He's probably sucking his thumb and wiggling his toes in there!
• His kidneys are making urine, and his liver and spleen are doing their jobs, too.
• And he's growing lanugo, a thin, peach-fuzz-like hair, all over his body -- it will help him keep warm!

Symptoms: have pretty much subsided.  My chest isn't nearly as sore as it was before and my energy is back up a bit.  One new thing I've been contending with are pregnancy headaches.  They seem to be more frequent and intense when I am out of my "normal" environment and routine.  They're not horrible but they are a nuisance.


Last heard the HB: this morning.  I have no self control :).

Emotionally:  I'm doing pretty well!  Like I said in the intro to this post, I have been welcoming the moments of "real baby" discussions and decisions that are inevitable in this process and giving myself a lot of grace when answering a question from S with "I'm not ready to talk about that yet".  Because here's the thing: I am still a loss mom.  The fear of losing this baby is still with me.  I don't believe in a "safe zone" when it comes to pregnancy.  Being pregnant after a loss is really difficult!  While I still have my doubtful moments, I am excited that I've also been comfortable with thoughts that this is really going to happen and we're really going to become parents to a rainbow baby in December.

Plans:  Cloth diapering.  One of those big decisions some parents face has been made!  To some people their choice might be as obvious as not even feeling like there is a choice, but we wanted to look at using both cloth diapers and disposable ones equally and see which one would be best for our lifestyle, budget, and preference.  What it came down to was convenience (disposable) versus safety and long-term cost (cloth).  I'm no scientist but what I've read about the chemicals they add to the disposable diapers concerned me quite a bit.  And disposable diapers that didn't have those chemical were a LOT more expensive per diaper than cloth diapers.  So, the final nudge in the cloth direction was the long term cost.

Positive note:  We made our first nursery purchase!  We bought three wall decor pieces that will suit our gender neutral nursery theme of animals in blue + yellow.  This was a huge win both budget wise (because they were on clearance at $7 each) and emotionally.  Pretty cute, right?

Here we are at 14w2d.  Bunny ears because I'm like that AND showing some second trimester love, yo!